Sunday, February 8, 2009

insomnia

I agree with Anton, the pink on this site is nauseating. It looks like the energizer bunny jizzed all over my screen.
I am NOT amused. That's part of the reason I don't visit my own blog. The other part is that I keep forgetting to give a shit. I tried searching for some layouts, but everything is either about love (BARF OVER ALL MY FUCKING KEYBOARD) or EMOish shit with matching lyrics and vampires. yea, no.



I have a headache that will most likely be a big fat migraine in the morning thanks to my threesome with Captain Morgan and Dr. Pepper. Captain Morgan likes it rough and raw. nasty bastard.

I simply CANNOT go to sleep. it's like 4:44am. If I was in NYC, I'd be dragging my drunken ass out of LQ, trying to get a fuck cab to the nearest diner for waffles and eggs with green peppers, cheese and onions....and no, that is NOT an omelette despite what the smart ass, divorced, mother of three, graveyard shift working cunt of a waitress says. Is LQ even still open after the fiasco with dumb ass Plaxico? I hate people with money who don't know how to fucking act!! Every time I've been to LQ, they had a bunch of butch women practically strip search me. They checked my shoes, panties, bra (don't even get me started on how my nipple ring used to set off the metal detector), my weave, in my mouth under my fucking tongue...EVERYWHERE...and I didn't mind because I usually went to LQ horny and buzzed and sometimes being felt up by a butch was the most action I had. They love big tits. Anyway, since Plaxico is loaded with money and he's an athlete, they didn't check him. Now he's fucked and I'm sure the club got fucked too.

There are men on my TV screen doing everyday things while wearing hospital gowns. What is this commercial for!? Something about being tested for something, but they don't say what...just some website: http://www.ahrq.gov/
I bet it has something to do with colons.

speaking of colons...
My cable isn't working. The basic cable works just fine, but the box with HBO and all that other good shit that I pay for (but don't really watch) won't work. My cable box is fucked. I really hate my cable company. every time I call, they tell me something different. My conversations with them usually go like this:

Comcast: Thanks for choosing Comcast, this is Carl*. how can I help you?

Me:
My cable box isn't working...AGAIN and I need you to send me a signal.

Comcast: well ma'am, I'm very sorry to hear that. I should be able to take care of that for you. First, can I get your account number and if you don't have that handy, give me your phone number.

Me: my phone number is 410-XXX-XXXX

Comcast: okay and just to verify your account, can I have your name, address and date of birth?

Me: my name is Frankie Nichelle*. My address is 555 EAST STREET, Baltimore, MD 212XX and my date of birth is April 9, 1984.

Comcast: Can I have your complete address?

Me: you know Carl, the completely unnecessary apartment number is 302. My mother's maiden name is Smith*. My favorite color is green and I have my period during the 2nd week of every month except for the rare occasion when I get fucked...then everything kinda gets thrown off, but it's usually pretty accurate. I like monkeys and alcoholic beverages that are peach flavored. I'm allergic to octopus and blueberries. I enjoy romance comedies, but I usually don't admit that to people and I always get motion sickness when I read in the car. Is that enough to answer your goddamn identity questions or would you like me to send a sample of pubic hair to you for DNA testing?

Comcast: no, that won't be necessary. if you will hold for a moment, I'll try to send a signal to your box

******HOLDING*******

Comcast: is your cable working now?

Me: NO. the menu just has a stupid message on there about ordering information. Either send a signal and get my cable back on in 60 seconds or just disconnect the service all together and quit charging me every month.

Comcast: are you sure that your TV is on channel 3?

Me: Carl, if my TV was not on channel 3, would I be able to see the comcast cable menu? WOULD I, CARL!?!? If you continue to ask stupid questions, I'm going to have to hang up on you and call back later for someone a little less incompetent.

Comcast: well, can you check the box and see if everything is plugged in correctly?

Me: you're a fucking idiot. good bye Carl.

of course when you call back, you have to go through the EXACT same thing with the next Comcast genius.

wow it's now 5:28am and while my ass is numb and my headache has gotten bigger due to the increase in my blood pressure thanks to thinking about my latest Comcast drama, I am still not tired. However Married with Children just came on and there's something soothing and arousing about Ed O'neill (Al Bundy).

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