Monday, February 23, 2009

Oscar Meijer Weiner Lovers

Since nothing else was on I just left the TV on the Oscars last night. I learned a couple things.
Frankie Nichelle's comments in green.
Antón's additional comments in blue.

(Straights do NOT have biceps like that.)

1. Wolverine and Sean Penn are light in the loafers. Its a little unexpected because they aren't your typical twinks like Adrien Brody or Jackie Gyllenhaal (I heard he's a "bottom" didn't see the movie yet). For me, its like Russell Crowe coming out of the closet. If that happens I know our culture has come full circle-reliving the Roman Queer-Is-In Era. My dad always said everybody in Hollywood is bi. I shut off my Bi-dar last night because it almost blew the speakers. It was just one solid tone like when someone dies in the hospital. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep (Anthony Hopkins on stage) *silence* (he leaves) beep beep (Al Pacino on stage) beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. The beeps drove my bird nuts. (and yes I realize Hannibal was bi, but Anthony Hopkins doesn't take his work home!)

I don't know about those other twinks, but Adrien Brody can butt fuck (or be butt fucked by) me ANY TIME!! lube...WHATEVER!
Russell Crowe can get it as long as he's being the dominant one and isn't wearing that God forsaken pony tail! Al Pacino is starting to look mad old and sickly. who am I kidding? he could get it! He has to do the Cuban accent OR pretend to be satan though.

You fantasize about Adrien Brody's nose hitting your G-spot? Cuz we all know its possible with that long ass nose.

2. Queen Latifah sings better than That Woman. One of the things I do to judge somebodys singing talent is listen how they transistion from note to note. I really really enjoyed Latifah's performance. She puts emotion into her voice. Kudos to her.
Latifah's singing was lovely. I really teared up at the end when they showed Paul Newman.
Homeboy had his own popcorn label! But he became my hero in Cool Hand Luke ;)

3. When That Woman and Butch Wolverine were doing their Musical Tribute to ADD, I noticed that That Woman tries too damn hard! One thing I love about her is her child-bearing hips. YUM! That Woman has some legs on her omg... "esta por matar". But anywho. Yah, that whole performance was horrible! And I love Broadway. They jumped way too fast from one song to another and the vocals were way too rushed. And while I do love interracial porn, I do NOT love interracial Grease. No! Don't do that to Grease! And somebody needs to resend Hugh the memo, you are NOT Michael Crawford!
I really wanted a drunken Etta James to crash the Oscars and beat THAT WOMANs ass for trying to slip At Last into her skanky performance.

4. I realized that Hollywood is so full of themselves. No where else is it socially acceptable to be so proud about being recognized for your own work. I mean lets be honest. The only person that won an award last night for the right reasons was Jerry Lewis. I mean, how can these people be so into themselves?! Jerry got an award for being himself and here are all these clowns crying like they received the highest honor in the world for just acting? Grow the fuck up. Thats why I like pimps like Marlon Brando (another Bi) who are too cool for Oscars. Lol... He was a pimp.
I HATE when Kate Winslet's cry baby ass wins ANYTHING! She always acts like it's the first award she's ever won...EVER after working for 60 yrs in this business. give me a fucking break Katie! GIVE ME A BREAK!!
Right, right, but you know her hair was bad ass. It had this Sharon Stone thing going on.

5. Its official, Diane Lane and her husband are hotter than Bradgelina. I'm just saying, the Jolie-Pitts moved to number 2 in my list of Couples I'd Have a Threesome With. And I don't want to read any comments about Jlo-Marc. They are not even on the list-Thank You very much! Although, I will say Jlo was on the list when she was with Ben Affleck and that one time when I imagined her dating Ricky Martin-they would have had some hot ass twins! YOU KNOW IT TOO!
I love Diane Lane. her performance in Unfaithful was great. that's what made me love her. It also kinda made cheating okay in my book ;)
Yes! That performance gave me a fascination with cougars. It started with her.

6. Elisabeth Hasselbeck is a clone of Heath Ledger's sister.
I agree...only her devil horns are missing.

7. The gowns and suits were BORING across the board! I could find more fashionable apparel at Farm and Fleet or Meijers-true story. I could have showed up with something from Target's clearance rack and I would have been the hottest man on the Red Carpet.
and what was with all those nude colored dresses? gag! I liked Sarah Jessica Parker's dress. don't even get me started on Alicia Keys! she looked like Barbie's older tanned tranny sister!!
Alicia Keys tries to damn hard too! She needs a professional make artist. I think she ODed on makeup. At least she didn't bedazzle herself with a silly ass jewel on her foreheard.

Was it just me or was Heath totally ignored from the In Memoriam Tribute to the Most Important People of All Time (note the sarcasm)? Maybe the timing of his death was not in the window of opportunity for recognition? That sounds so silly. Then again, so was the whole damn event.
I just read that Heath was included in the 2008 thingy. Brad Renfro wasn't included.


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