Sunday, June 6, 2010

Meeting John Waters...



On Wednesday morning (a couple of Wednesdays since I made this draft), while browsing the b paper, I saw an ad that said John Waters would be doing a book signing for his new book Role Models at Atomic Books on Saturday. I made the sound one makes when finding out that Best Buy is having a Black Friday sale with 32 flat screen TVs for $99.

I HAD TO GO!! It was the ONE weekend I'd be in Baltimore. It was John FUCKING Waters, the Ambassador of Anal, the Prince of Puke, the King of Sleaze, the Duke of Dirt, the Pope of Trash....if you're not from Baltimore and you don't know who he is, FIND OUT! If you ARE from Baltimore and you don't know who he is, SHAME ON YOU!! He's one of those people that you either love or you hate. My parents raised me on his fuckery. Hey, I never said that they were Parents of the Year nominees. Before I was a teenager, I had seen the majority of his movies and I was a huge fan. His movies made me embrace the dysfunction of my upbringing.



There was only ONE problem: the cost of the book was $25 and my funds were limited -- NO, my funds were completely drained to the point where I was on a ramen noodles diet...trying out as many recipes as I could think of from cheesey ramen to orange chicken jailhouse ramen. No matter how many different recipes you come up with, it all becomes gag-worthy after awhile.



When things were beginning to look hopeless, I reached out to my Twitter followers for suggestions on how to earn some quick cash. I got the BEST idea from Traylove19:



I knew my new-found Boobs for Bucks business would get protests from my boyfriend. Obviously I own the rights to distribute photos of my tatas to whomever I please, but no self respecting girlfriend does that. Even if I was single, I'd like to think my lovely lady lumps are worth more than $1 anyway. Traylove's idea gave me another idea: simply asking for donations!

I set up a ChipIn account and started asking my followers on twitter to donate. I needed $25 in THREE DAYS! JessAnn got the ball rolling with a whopping 10 cent donation, followed by a 1 cent donation here and a 69 cent donation there. That was cute, but side-eye worthy. At least throw in a dollar you cheap bastards! FINALLY GorillaMonk showed these people how donating is done by giving me TWENTY dollars. Meanwhile, I had pervs sending me messages about how much nipple action they could get for $3. Uh thanks, but no thanks. JodyGFacts couldn't let GorillaMonk get all the praise so he matched his gift by also donating $20!! I had $41.99 in just hours! It was enough to get the book autographed, re-up on more ramen noodles, AND do laundry! No more hand washing my clothes in the sink with Palmolive!



to be continued...

7 comments:

NightFall914 said...

LOL....woemen

Gorillamonk said...

I've been through the Ramen Noodle phase (I was actually skinny during that period!)... here's something you can't live without.

http://www.budget101.com/frugal/ramen-noodle-recipes-1548/

Also, make sure you have plenty of peanut butter handy. And shit, you're in Baltimore...you can find someone with an EBT card and hustle for some cereal and milk.

Gorillamonk said...

btw, you should see if they will chip in to see if they can keep your clothes clean and downy fresh.

Frankie said...

Thanks for the link! I'm def gonna try the beef & broccoli one haha
OMG you have NO idea how many times people come up to me and offer to take cash for use of their EBT card haha

Gorillamonk said...

I can guess. I've taken advantage of that before too. This lady bought $30 in groceries and only wanted $10 in cash. I won't turn that down!

Oh, and did you tell everyone about that EPIC day yet?

Frankie said...

that's a good deal. In Baltimore you get double whatever you give them in cash.
I'm working on that entry.

E's said...

You probably would be rich now if you showed the funbags...but oh well, you got the book:)