Read Part 1 HERE!
"The three places you can get away with wearing a CUNT necklace is to a Madonna concert, a drag/gay club, and when meeting John Waters."
This is my infamous cunt necklace....
I just KNEW that I had to wear it to John's book signing. After all, Madonna taught me the word 'cunt', but Pink Flamingos embedded it into my vocabulary. As I was nervously getting dressed for my meet & greet with Mr. Waters, I was internally freaking out. The last book signing I went to was Kimora Lee's book signing. She was disgustingly rude to me and my admiration turned into HATE.
Kimora was disposable, but not John Waters. If he was rude to me at his book signing, I'd DIE!!! I liked Kimora for all of 3 minutes, but John Waters meant way too much to me. Did I wanna risk getting dissed by him? HELL NO! I decided not to go.
BUT HOW COULD I NOT GO??????? It was a risk I was gonna have to take.
I got my mom to go with me. She's a huge enabler in my fuckery. She's actually met Johnny Boy before so she calmed my nerves by telling me he was down to earth.
We got to the book store about 40 minutes before the signing. The line had less than 20 people in it. Thank God we got there when we did because the line ended up wrapping around the block. We stood with line with this awesome guy who starred as an extra in some of John Waters' movies. He had tons of stories to tell, and he even told me I should get into acting because I had the face for it..................................................
After what felt like forever, the line started moving. No CPT!! It was a really rushed process because there were so many people. You walked in, purchased the book and/or poster & post cards, then moved along to the next line. Once in line, you hand John whatever you wanted him to sign, spell your name out, say something witty, brown nose, or whatever, then pose to have your picture taken.
My mom (in true Cathy fashion) embarrassed me from the minute we stepped in the door.
As soon as we walked in she started browsing the bookstore....even though the store was closed for the day for this event. My mom was acting like a 6 year old hood child named Day-Day! "OOOOHHH look at this!", "hey take a pic of that!!"
Uh no mom! I'm here for this event and we can come back at another time to browse the store!
You had to be fast and smooth because the people behind you were eager to get their turn. The chicks behind me were stepping on my heels like John Waters said "ok at 7:23pm, I'm leaving whether I've seen everyone or not!"
I purchased a post card, book and poster. My mom just got a post card. I was the next person in line and I was practicing my breathing exercises. I'm not one to get starstruck over random people, but this was John Waters. I knew of him long before I became a fan of Marc Anthony, and I fainted when I met Marc. The minute I got to the front of the line, John's assistant-type-person (I'm assuming) recognized me from a tweet about my cunt necklace. Out of no where, my mom screams "OH MY GOD!! YOU'RE A CELEBRITY IN HERE!!" Really mom? Because some dude read a tweet? Yeah. Okay............................................
I spelled my name out for John, but I was so nervous I thought I misspelled it. I was kinda put off by him asking me to spell Frankie. Maybe it's because of bitches with names like Tiphany, Danyelle, and Charleigh (yes!!!). He signed the book, poster and post card. After that, it was time to pose for my picture. John did his signature pose and I kneeled (knelt?) down beside him, and told my mom to be SURE to avoid capturing my double-chins in the camera.
Everyone in the store laughed. John laughed and made a joke about using photo editing software. [REWIND]We stood in line outside for about 40 minutes and in that time, I was giving my mom tutorials on using my camera so she wouldn't screw up. [FAST FORWARD] So we're ready to take the pic and MOM CAN'T WORK THE CAMERA!! She's saying the flash isn't coming on. She doesn't know what button to push. She doesn't know how to zoom in!! The ants-in-their-pants teeny boppers behind us in line are sighing. The whole room is silent waiting for her to snap the pic. ALL EYES ON US! I swear when other people were meeting John Waters, the store was playing music, people were talking amongst themselves, the lights were dim, and the atmosphere was nothing short of a night club. Suddenly when it was time for ME to have my moment with John, the lights were on (spotlight on me) like we were filming a reality show, and you could hear a feather drop....ON CARPET!! I felt like I was in court! Random people began shouting out "it's the big button on the left hand side of the top of the camera!" "Lift the flash!" "Is that an SLR?" "Make sure it's on auto!" UMMMM... When did everyone become the expert on using MY camera?? FINALLY one of the chicks behind us in line offered to take the pic for me.
Then it was mom's turn to have her picture taken. I handled the camera this time. She wanted a pic with my camera AND with her blackberry that I don't really know how to work. This prompted the crowd to sigh and do an eye-roll in unison.
As we were walking out of the store passed people in line outside patiently waiting for their turn with the legendary film maker, people started requested photos of me in my cunt necklace and autographed book. It was a GREAT experience!
Check me out on BaltimoreBrew.com and I was also in the local newspaper (b)....TWICE!!
...and believe you me, I have PLENTLY of copies =)